girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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