She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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