sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
