so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just pee around me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
