just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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