I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
