Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
