I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
