Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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