I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
