either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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