What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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