I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
