We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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