Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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