Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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