Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
