We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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