I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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