Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
