this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize