I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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