Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
birth control should be required to get into college
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We need a shit load of segways right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with