Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me