Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM