god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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