I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
