12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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