well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
