i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
