When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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