Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
