mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
