Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
