So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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