he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
