y did u give ur computer a hand job?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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