Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
