her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We had to coat check the pizza.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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