Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
