no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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