She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize