you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
