You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
