jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
