so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
