i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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