i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
