There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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