I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
