So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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