Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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