Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
