I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
