Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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