hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
