Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
