i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
