jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
