I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
