So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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