he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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