i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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