What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
